


One Fine Day

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Almost Dying, Break Up, First Time, Gay Sex, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, HurtSpock, M/M, Miscommunication, ObliviousJim, Protective Spock, Romance, Stupid Boys, Suggested Themes, Valentine's Day, Vulcan Claiming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim unknowingly rejects Spock, who decides to try to get over his fascination with his captain.</p><p>Foreverandeveralone asked for Jim to reject Spock and for Spock to try to get over it with casual hookups. This is pretty much it, for as far as I can make it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foreverandeveralone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverandeveralone/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't go breaking my heart  
> You take the weight off me  
> Honey when you knock on my door  
> I gave you my key

Jim entered the turbolift and was surprised to find Lieutenant Uhura already inside. Her gaze slid away from his but not before he saw her wet eyes.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Her response was a sniff.

Jim reached over and stopped the turbolift. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She shook her head.

“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it—”

“Spock and I broke up.”

Jim’s heart started hammering hard. “What? When? Why?” Would they be able to work together? Jim hadn’t ever ended a relationship with someone he worked with before. Well, there was…but no. That was sex. Not a relationship.

“Last night,” she said, her voice wavering. “We-we decided our relationship wasn’t really moving forward in a direction either of us found satisfactory.”

Jim winced. That sounded like maybe a direct quote from Spock. “I’m sorry.”

Uhura bit her lip. “Honestly, it’s been coming for a long time. I knew that, but-but still.”

“If you need some time off, it’s yours.”

“Thank you, Captain. But I can handle my duties.” She turned toward the controls of the turbolift. “Bridge, sir?”

“No, I was headed to the medbay.”

She nodded and directed it there.

****

“Spock and Uhura broke up.”

Bones looked up from his waffles. He was seated behind his desk in his office and Jim was seated across from him. “Just an apple, Jim?’

Jim shrugged and took a bite. “I’m not that hungry.”

Bones sighed. “When did this happen?’

“I guess last night.”

“Leave it to the hobgoblin to break up with her right before Valentine’s Day. Such a romantic.”

Jim frowned. “I forgot about that. It is almost Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?”

“Not that you’d pay attention to that. Have you ever given anyone anything for that?”

“When I was a kid,” Jim said absently.

“I like chocolates by the way. Nuts and chews.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He leaned forward and tore off a hunk of Bone’s waffle and popped it into his mouth. “What do you think it means?”

“What do I think what means?”

“That they broke up.”

“I think it means she finally realized the tin man is missing a heart.”

“He’s got a heart,” Jim insisted.

“Couples break up sometimes, Jim. Look at me and the ex. At one time I thought we’d never be apart. Now she can’t stand the sight of me.”

“What happened there anyway, Bones?”

“Take a guess.”

“I can’t.”

“I thought we were talking about the hobgoblin anyway,” Bones said with a scowl.

“Now we’ve switched to you.” Jim tore off more of Bones’ waffle, who with raised eyebrows, pushed the plate toward Jim.

“I worked too much and she screwed around too much. Bad combination.”

“She cheated on you? That bitch.”

Bones shrugged. “Yeah, well.”

“We’re getting shore leave, you know.”

“Can you stick to one subject at a time? You’re making my head spin.”

“You think I should tell him?”

“Tell who? What? Jim, will you stop all this and just get to the point?”

Jim reached for the last of Bones’ waffle. “This isn’t bad.”

“Not hungry, huh?”

Jim grinned, unrepentant. “Spock. About you know.”

“I thought you’d decided to put all that aside.”

“Yeah, before.” Jim kicked at Bones’ desk until his chair leaned back and his feet were up resting on the surface. He moved his feet, rocking slightly. “But now that he’s not with Uhura.”

“I don’t know, Jim. Trying to start something with Spock right after he dumped Uhura isn’t very nice to her.”

Jim chewed on his lip. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Why don’t you wait and see if he shows any signs at all that he even slightly shares your interest before you make your move, if at all.”

“You don’t think I should at all, huh?”

“Nope,” Bones admitted. “I know you think he’s cute, Jim. But you two are about as mismatched as any two can be. And I really don’t want to pick up the pieces of your heart after he shatters it.”

“What if I break his heart instead?”

“Oh, I have no doubt you would. You’re a heartbreaker. But it’s bad enough Spock and Uhura will have to still work together. Imagine a Captain and his first officer.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed. “Maybe you’re right. And I don’t do relationships anyway. And Spock doesn’t do casual. You’re right.” He straightened and stood. “Oh, that reminds me. So shore leave.”

“When is that?”

“Next week. The planet, Ridgley 4. Supposed to be beautiful with an active social scene. A great place to get laid.”

Bones showed interest. “Is that in the brochure?”

Jim grinned. “Sure is. What do you say? You and me and an orgy?”

“That’s the best idea you’ve had in a long time, Jimmy.”

Jim winked. “I aim to please.”

****

“Want anything to drink, Spock?” Jim asked from his position by the replicator.

“Not at present, Captain.”

Jim nodded and removed his glass of white wine. He returned to his seat across from Spock to begin their weekly chess game.

“How are you doing, Spock?”

“Doing?”

“Um. Yeah. You know…emotionally.”

Spock stared at him blankly.

Jim squirmed. He waved his hands. “Um. I saw Uhura. Last week. And you know, she mentioned it. You two seem a little tense with each other. ”

“Has my performance suffered, Captain?”

Jim winced at his tone. “No. No. That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“You know what?” Jim ran a hand through his hair. “Never mind. It was stupid.” A change of topic was definitely in order. “Shore leave is tomorrow.”

“As I am responsible for the schedule during the leave I am well aware of that.”

Jim nodded. “You going to stay behind as usual?”

“Actually,” Spock said, his gaze rising as he moved his piece. “I was planning on going down with you.”

“Huh?”

“It is my intention to spend shore leave with you,” Spock repeated slowly as though Jim were an imbecile.

“ _Me_? But you-you never do. You never even go.”

“I am making an exception this time.” Spock tilted his head. “Is there a problem?”

A problem? Of course there was a problem. How was he and Bones supposed to have an orgy on the planet with Spock hanging around? Bones would kill him if Spock spoiled their fun. It was all Bones talked about since Jim had brought it up.

“Not a problem, no. I just.” He licked his lips. “I just don’t think you’ll like it very much.”

“Why would I not? I would be with you.”

Jim drummed his fingers on the table, the game between them all but forgotten. “The thing of it is, Spock, Bones and I are already kind of spending the time there together.”

“And you think the doctor would mind my presence?”

“Well, not ordinarily. See, I didn’t really think you’d be even going let alone with me.”

Spock had become stiffer and stiffer during the conversation and while it was fairly subtle, Jim noticed it, because well, it was Spock, and he noticed everything about Spock.

“You do not desire to spend the time with me.”

“No, no, it isn’t that. Bones and I, we-we’re going to be doing stuff that you wouldn’t like and I don’t want you feeling left out.”

“It was my intention to—” He stopped, his expression abruptly closing off. “I see.”

“It’s just that—”

“It is your plan to engage in copious amounts of sexual intercourse and therefore my presence is unwelcome.”

It was said without even a hint of emotion or inflection. So much so that it made Jim actually wince.  

“Well, not copious amounts.” Only that wasn’t true. “Maybe. But it’s not that. You wouldn’t have fun. You’d be uncomfortable.”

Spock blew out a breath. “On that we can agree.”

Jim smiled uncertainly. “I’m sorry, Spock. I don’t mean to be a dick.”

“You are not. But you have made things perfectly clear to me and for that I must express my gratitude.”

“Yeah?” Jim had this dreaded feeling he had just been given some kind of test and he had failed miserably.

“Indeed. Captain, I find that I am far more fatigued than I anticipated and I request to cut this evening short.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “Of course, Mr. Spock.”

Spock rose and so did Jim. He followed Spock to the door.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

“Night, Spock.” Jim shook his head after the door closed. He went to the chess game and put it away, picking up his untouched wine and beginning to drink from it.

****

“What are you moping about?” Bones asked Jim, poking him in the ribs as they made their way to a popular bar and nightclub on Ridgley 4.

“I think I hurt Spock’s feelings.”

“Spock doesn’t have feelings.”

“Bones.”

“Whatever. I came down here to have a good time, remember? Not to have to listen to your obsession.”

Jim scowled. “I’m not obsessed. I just…he’s my friend. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Probably working in a lab doing his evil scientist experiments right now.”

“Hmm.”

They’d reached the entrance.

“Look, can we forget Spock? He’s up on the ship. Let’s go have some drinks and find some girls.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.”

They walked into the club and Jim spent a moment getting used to the low lighting and flashing strobe-like lights above. There was a huge dance floor as well as several bars.

Bones had already spotted some females of various species by the nearest bar, and he started dragging Jim forward.

Jim stopped in his tracks.

“What now?”

“What did you just say?”

Bones frowned. “When?”

“Outside.”

“Let’s have some drinks and find some girls. And I did. Over there.”

Jim waved that away. “Before.”

“Spock’s on the ship.”

Jim’s heart squeezed painfully. “Then who is that?”

Bones followed his gaze as they both watched Spock leave the dance floor, a blond male in tow.

“What the hell?” Bones muttered.

Jim stared as Spock and the blond man got into a turbolift that would take them up to the floors with hotel rooms. He suddenly wanted to throw up.

“I’ll be damned,” Bones said, far too cheerfully. “Spock’s getting lucky before we are.”


	2. Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I can't forget tomorrow  
> When I think of all my sorrow  
> When I had you there, but then I let you go  
> And now it's only fair that I should let you know  
> What you should know

“Jim.”

He took another sip of his—what the hell was this thing called—and felt it scald down his throat.

“Jim!”

With a sigh, he looked over at Bones. “What?”

“I thought we were here to get laid,” Bones grumbled.

“Be my guest. Don’t let me stop you.”

Bones sank down on the stool next to him.  “Is this about Spock?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. Look, I thought all this time you just wanted to fuck Spock. But it’s obviously more than that.”

Jim downed his drink, felt the burn. He gestured for another. “What if it is? You're the one who told me I shouldn’t get mixed up with Spock.”

“Because I thought you just wanted to have sex, Jim. When have you ever cared about anyone?”

“Thanks, Bones. You make me sound like quite a catch.”

“God, you’re a pain in the ass when you drink. There’s nothing you can do about Spock now, so why don’t you come with me and we’ll find some girls—”

He shook his head. “I don’t want anything or anybody. You go.”

“Jim—”

“I’m going back to the ship.”

“Do you want me to come with—?”

“No.” He took the other drink that the bartender plopped down and drank it, too.

Then he stumbled to the exit. Just in time to see Spock entering the lift with another, different blond.

He clenched his fists. He really wanted to punch something. And he was spoiling for a fight.

“Captain!”

Jim frowned and turned toward the voice. At one of the other bars in the massive club sat Uhura and she was gesturing to him to take the seat next to her. His plan to return to the Enterprise forgotten, he slid in beside her.

The bartender, a Tellarite, asked, “What are you having?”

He looked to Uhura’s drink. It was tall and pink and red. “What’s that?”

“A Klingon Deathtini,” she replied with a grin. “That’s what they call it anyway. It’s good. Want to try it?”

“No. I’ll have that.”

The bartender moved off to make his drink.

“What happened to your orgy with Leonard?” Uhura asked, clearly amused.

Jim frowned. “You know about that?”

“Neither of you were very discreet.”

Jim found himself blushing even after all the alcohol he had consumed.  “Well. Um. I changed my mind.”

“Changed your mind? Captain Kirk the great womanizer?”

“Most of that’s exaggerated.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. I’m not saying I don’t like sex. I do. But the idea I have a different female in every space port is nuts. And I like guys, too. Not that it matters.” The Klingon Deathtini arrived. Jim moved his straw around in it. “Let’s talk about something else.  How are you doing?”

“Not great, but I’ll live.” Uhura shrugged. “I’ve had breakups before.”

“Yeah?”

She looked amused. “Spock wasn’t my first boyfriend, you know?”

“Well, okay. But wasn’t he more serious than your others?”

“For a while, yeah. But it hadn’t been right between us for a long time. Really, since…” She trailed off, shook her head.

Jim frowned. “Since when?”

“Never mind. Anyway, I tried to get Spock to come down here with me. He doesn’t really drink but I thought we could talk or something. I want us to be friends.” She sighed. “It’s hard though. I want to touch him, but he hates to be touched because of the touch telepathy stuff. He only wants to be touched if you’re intimate with him. Which we aren’t anymore. But anyway, I couldn’t find him on the ship. Have you seen him?”

Jim ignored the pain in his heart that was like a stab. “Yeah. He’s down here.”

“He is? Where?”

“As far as I know he’s up in the hotel having sex.”

Her face blanched. “What?”

“I couldn’t believe it myself. But I know what I saw. He took off twice. Both times with men with blond hair. Weird, actually. Kind of blond like mine and around the same height and build.”

She stared at him. “Tell me from the beginning.”

“The beginning of what? Look, Spock wanted to come down here with me, I guess, but I told him I’d already promised Bones and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Spock wanted to spend his shore leave with you but you turned him down to what? Get laid with Leonard? Oh. My. God. How is it that someone as smart as you can be such a fucking idiot?!”

“Hey, wait—”

“Kirk. Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Spock doesn’t spend his shore leave with _anyone_. If he told you he wanted to spend it with you, it’s because he wanted to _be with you_!”

“Be with me?”

“Ugh!” She buried her face in her hands. “Spock is in love with you.”

“What?” Jim’s heart started hammering in his chest and he felt dizzy.

“I have to say I question his judgment as well as his intelligence but whatever. You love who you love. One of the reasons we broke up was because he’s obsessed with you. My God, he cried when you died and went a little nuts on Khan! He didn’t even do that after his mother died. He’s confused, Captain. He doesn’t have that depth of feeling easily. It’s difficult for him. And he finally reached out to you and you loudly chose to go have an orgy with Leonard.”

“But I—”

“I’m talking,” Uhura cut in sharply. “Okay, so you don’t love him back, but do you have to be so—”

“I do.”

“Cruel…wait. You _do_ love Spock?”

Jim looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I think so. I…well, how am I supposed to know anyway? I’ve never been in love. And Spock was all vague about it.”

“It’s not a coincidence he’s chosen blond males, you know.”

Jim was feeling sick. Really sick. He opened his mouth, closed it. “God.”

“Idiot. You’re a total idiot.”

“You know normally I would hate all that insubordination crap, but I think I might just deserve it.”

Uhura shook her head. “What are you going to do?”

“I can’t really do anything right now, can I? I don’t even know where he is right now. It’s not like I can go knocking on every door up there and say, ‘Spock?’” Jim bit his lip. “Can I?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you can’t. But for starters, Spock insists on monogamy. So you can’t be planning your little horndog parties with Leonard.”

Jim winced.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. I was…Bones said to forget Spock. And I was trying. And I just—” Jim pushed his drink away. “I need to find him.”

“My advice? Go back to the Enterprise and wait for him. No more drinking, no more women, no more men. Just wait for Spock. If I see him, I’ll send him to you.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. The truth was, the alcohol he’d drank was making his head swim. He was unsteady on his feet and clearly not thinking right. Maybe Uhura was right. And it would give him a chance to think about what he was going to say to Spock.

If he got the chance.

“Okay.” He nodded. Which might be a mistake. He got off his stool, swayed a little. Uhura put her hand on his arm to steady him.

Uhura sighed. “It’s going to be okay. I think.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded hesitantly. “Yeah.”

****

Jim stepped out of the club. The transporter area was to the left as he recalled. But to the right was a little park. Maybe he could clear his head a little in the fresh air. He started walking that way, barely got a few feet.

A weapon—some kind of gun—was shoved into his side. Jim stopped as he heard a hiss in his ear.

“Captain Kirk.”

A Gorn by the raspy lizard voice.

“You’ll be worth a lot of credits.”

“If you think I’m going to let you take me anywhere—”

“You won’t have a choice. I’ll kill you right here.”

“Then kill me.”

Footsteps behind them, rushing footsteps.

“Captain?” Spock’s voice.

“No, Spock! No!”

“Jim!”

Spock rushed at them. And the Gorn turned, pushing Jim away to fall to the ground and aiming the gun at Spock. 

Jim’s heart felt like it might split in two. He heard Uhura screaming from some distance.

Spock fell as the Gorn shot him and then the Gorn ran and was gone.

Jim scrambled to his feet and over to Spock. Green blood already pooled under him. So much blood. Uhura reached him just after Jim did.

Jim pulled Spock into his arms and turned him over. “Spock! Hold on. Please. Please. Hold on. Please.”

Uhura had her communicator out and was speaking frantically into it.

The wound was in Spock’s side. So close. So close.

Jim’s eyes burned with tears. “No. No. No.”  


	3. I Want to Know What Love Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my life there's been heartache and pain  
> I don't know if I can face it again  
> Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life

Jim grimaced at the gaudy decorations decorating the walls of the medbay. Glittery, shiny red hearts. Ugly Cupids drawing back their bows. As he paced back and forth he couldn’t fail to see each garish sparkly heart mocking him.

He had a heart still in his chest somewhere, but it looked nothing like the mockery of hearts pasted to the walls. His was cracked and bleeding for one.

Jim’s head was about to join his heart for he had such a headache pounding in his skull that he felt incredibly nauseous. He was on his feet by sheer will and nothing else. He was exhausted, sick, and heartbroken.

The door of the operating room made a swishing noise and Jim tensed, waiting to see who would appear this time. So far it had been nurses who only shook their heads at him. He wanted to demand answers, but he couldn’t even make his mouth open to do so. This time it was Bones. He looked as grim as Jim had ever seen him and his skin was pasty white.

Jim drove his fingernails into his palms, feeling the sting like a vague pain that only made him realize he was still living and breathing, but barely.

“I swear to God if you tell me he’s gone I’ll kill you right here,” Jim whispered.

“Jim.”

“Bones, I’m not kidding.”

His friend’s eyes softened in the way they only did when dealing with a particularly hurt or traumatized Jim. “He’s not gone, Jim.”

Jim blinked, nodded.

_Stay up, stay up, don’t fall, don’t fall._

“But it’s-it’s not looking good. I repaired the damage the Gorn did, but he’s very weak. He lost a lot of blood. His vital sounds are terrible. If there was some way we could get him to go into one of those Vulcan voodoo healing trances…maybe. He almost went into cardiac arrest.”

“Can I see him?”

“Jim, do you understand what I’m telling you?”

Did he understand that Bones thought Spock was going to die? Hell, no. He would never understand that. Not if he lived a million years.

“Can I see him?” Jim repeated. “Alone.”

Bones sighed. “Okay. Give me a minute. We’ll move him to a private area.” He disappeared into the operating room.

Jim turned away from the sounds being made in there. He could hear it all—the whispers, the instruments being handled, the monitors hooked up to Spock—he couldn’t block it out no matter how he tried.

He stared hard at a heart on the wall in front of him. It was bright and cheery red, promising love and happiness. He stepped close, intending to rip it from the wall.

“All right, Jim.”

Leaving the offending monstrosity on the wall, Jim turned back and walked over to the door of the operating room. He hesitated in the doorway. He was aware of Bones watching him very carefully.

“There’s a private area cordoned off, Jim. He’s going to be staying there for a bit.”

Bones put his hand on Jim’s shoulder and squeezed. Bones made a sort of motion like he intended to hug Jim, but there was no way. He couldn’t. Not now. He reached up and patted Bones’ hand on his shoulder. Then he stepped inside and waited until he heard the door close behind him.

Spock was still. It wasn’t like Spock ever moved a lot. Not like Jim. Jim was constantly tapping his leg, drumming his fingers, moving, moving, always moving. Spock’s movements, when they happened, were precise, elegant, graceful. But Spock on the bridge only moved when he wanted to look at Jim. Wanted to stand by Jim.

Only he wasn’t standing by Jim now.

And he was unnaturally still.

Standing just inside the doorway looking at Spock’s body—no, Spock—not his body—not daring to move closer was just all kinds of idiotic. He needed to move toward that biobed, but he couldn’t make his feet go there. What if—what if—

_“You’re a coward, Jimmy. You’re a goddamn coward.” Frank’s voice. But not altogether untrue._

He stared so long, unblinking, that his vision blurred. He shook his head and moved forward. His footsteps were eerily loud in the room. There was a faint buzz of the apparatus Spock was hooked up to, but otherwise only the echo of his feet crossing the room.

Spock lay on his back, covered by a blanket up to his throat. Jim had seen Spock in meditation and even in sleep on one occasion when Spock hadn’t known he was looking. He always looked peaceful. Peace was missing from the ghostly hue of Spock’s skin, the slight furrowing of his brows.

Jim put his fingertips on Spock’s face, relieved to feel warmth. That meant Spock had not succumbed. Not yet anyway.

“You’re lucky you’re in this room. There aren’t any ugly heart decorations in here,” Jim said. “Actually today is Valentine’s Day. Has been for a couple of hours. Guess you’re going to miss it. Not that you care much about it anyway. I don’t either. Let’s face it, hopelessly romantic doesn’t really describe either one of us.”

Jim swallowed. Glanced at the chair by Spock’s side.

“I’m really kind of wiped out, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to sit. Bones was considerate enough to bring over a chair for me. Head’s kind of pounding.”

Jim pulled the chair closer and sat.

“As usual, I’m making this about me. I really am an idiot.”

He looked down at his clenched hands.

“You can’t die on me you know. You just can’t. I can’t make it without you. You’re the finest first officer in the Fleet. Everyone knows that.”

He laughed.

“As if that’s what this is about, anyway. If you were just a first officer to me, this would still really suck, yeah, but I wouldn’t be…I don’t even know what I am. Just…lost.”

Jim buried in his face in his hands.

_Hold it together, Jim. Don’t lose it._

He was fairly certain if he didn’t beg Bones for a hypo soon his brain would leak out of the cracks in his head. His gaze rose to Spock.

“Uhura says-Uhura says you’re maybe in-in love with me.” His eyes stung and his throat burned. “I’m not sure that’s true. Because why would you love _me_?

And I-I don’t know really what love even is. Is that what I feel? All I really know is the word love doesn’t seem to be enough. You’re just…everything. And sometimes, seriously, you scare the crap out of me, because I shouldn’t need you like I do. It’s bad to need someone like that.”

Jim closed his eyes.

“But I do. And I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He pushed back out of the chair and stood up again, getting close to Spock. He stared down at Spock’s face and was struck by really how beautiful his Vulcan was.

“If you really do want me, Spock, you have me. So much, you have me.”

With a hand shaking so badly Jim was surprised it even functioned, he put his fingers over Spock’s psi points the way he remembered from Spock’s counterpart all those years ago. And the way he’d seen his own Spock do many times as needed.

“I wish this would work from me. That I could just somehow reach inside your mind and tell you that you can’t leave me.” Jim laid his head on Spock’s chest. “Please don’t leave me. Please.”

“Jim?”

Jim swallowed heavily and rose up from Spock’s chest. Bones stood in the doorway.

“Time’s up, huh?”

“Just checking on you,” Bones said gently. He came forward to where Jim stood with Spock. “You look like hell warmed over.”

Jim let out a shuddery breath. “My head really hurts. Like I think more than it ever has in my life.”

Bones frowned and came toward him, hands feeling Jim’s face. “Your eyes are really dilated.”

Jim caught slight movement from Spock and his breath caught. “Bones, Spock.”

Bones hands fell away from Jim and went to Spock. He instantly began running his medical tricorder over Spock and fussing with the machine attached to Spock.

Jim watched anxiously. “Bones?”

Bones shook his head and kept working.

Jim felt he was about ready to jump out of his skin when finally Bones turned to him with a very slight smile.

“He’s in his trance.”

“What?”

“His healing trance. His Vulcan voodoo. I don’t know what you did, Jim, but Spock’s gone into his healing trance. His vitals are already improving.”

Jim sagged in relief and Bones barely caught him before he fell.

“And I think _you_ need a healing trance of your own.”

“No medbay,” Jim protested.

“Come on, I have a hypospray with your name on it.”

Jim looked back at Spock, biting his lip.

“I think he’s going to be all right, Jim. Come on.”

Jim leaned against Bones. “Uhura says he loves me.”

“We all do, sugar,” Bones cooed, and pulled Jim alone. “Come on, Captain Sweetheart. You need some rest.”


	4. I'd Love You to Want Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it took time for me to know  
> what you tried so not to show  
> Now something in my soul just cries  
> I see the want in your blue eyes.

Spock came to awareness of his surroundings more slowly than he had become accustomed to when waking. It took only three point two seconds for him to recall why he was in the medbay. And another five point six seconds for him to calm his racing heart when his immediate thought had gone to Jim.

But Jim was safe. 

The low, comforting warmth in the back of his mind assured Spock of this.

His shields were down, no doubt from his weakened state, which meant he was vulnerable to the onslaught of thoughts and feelings from those around him. But it also meant he had the rare luxury of feeling Jim. Something he never allowed himself.

Spock had recognized their t’hy’la bond when Jim had perished in the warp core with glass between them. When it had been far too late. Then knowing it had been only friendship his captain felt for him, Spock had, upon Jim’s recovery, placed very strong shields in place. He had not dared drop them on his own.

For a while, Spock had continued with his unsatisfactory relationship with Nyota because he enjoyed her company, her companionship. And being with Nyota helped him to pretend Jim’s sexual proclivity did not crush him. But it became clearer that he was causing Nyota harm by his continuing a relationship he could never be completely invested in.

When their relationship had come to its inevitable conclusion, Nyota had given Spock some semblance of hope that if he spent more time at Jim’s side, Jim would realize the significance of his relationship with Spock. He could not deny he had felt disappointment to learn that Jim preferred to spend his time with Dr. McCoy in deviant sexual behavior rather than spend leisure time with Spock.

But Spock had made a mistake in deciding to rid himself of his emotional compromise with Jim by participating in sexual encounters with lookalikes. They had been pale imitations of the vibrant, beautiful human who was his t’hy’la and he had been left feeling emptier than he had before the sexual experience.

It was clear to Spock as he departed the hotel after the second encounter that he was not ever going to be comfortable with casual sexual exploitation. Which was exactly how he viewed it. And rather than make him feel better about Jim’s rejection of him, it made him yearn for Jim that much more. It was a paradox Spock had little time to analyze for as he left the establishment he’d received a very strong indication that Jim’s life was in danger.

Spock had not intended to be felled by the Gorn, but better him than Jim. He doubted Jim would have survived such grievous injuries a second time.

He knew he should attempt to raise his shields as he laid there, his consciousness so far undetected by medical staff, for the purpose of blocking those around him at least, but the feel of Jim’s brilliant consciousness combining with his was so alluring Spock was reluctant to do so. In time, when he was not so weak, and if Jim allowed it, he would be able to just shield everyone else out and keep Jim with him.

Spock had lost hope he would ever have the fulfillment of his t’hy’la bond with Jim prior to the Gorn attack. However, he had gained the knowledge now that his regard was returned. And though he would never be so illogical as to say perhaps the Gorn attack had been for the better—especially given the danger to Jim and his t’hy’la’s own emotional torment –Spock was gratified at the affection that seemed to envelop him like the tightest of embraces. Not since the loss of his mother, and Spock’s bond with her, had Spock felt such emotional support and comfort. Emotional support and comfort that could only come from a Human. His Human.

“Spock?”

Suddenly Leonard McCoy was rushing toward him, his emotions of relief and happiness battering Spock like waves against rocks. The doctor’s main thoughts related to how happy Jim would be to know that Spock was awake.

McCoy’s face loomed over Spock as he quickly began to scan Spock. “How do you feel?”

Spock opened his mouth to reply, found it too dry to work properly, and was gratified when McCoy thrust an ice chip at him. “Surprisingly whole considering recent events,” Spock eventually replied. “How long have I been unconscious?”

“This is the third day of your healing trance. You were unconscious for several hours before that.”

“The captain?”

“Oh, he’s all right. Now.”

Spock’s alarm was instantly renewed. “He was injured?”

“No, not really,” the doctor replied. “Just exhaustion and stress from worrying over you. And a bad headache, but he said that began to lessen when you went into your trance.”

“Fascinating,” Spock murmured.

“He’s going to be happy as a pig in shit that you are awake.”

Spock chose not to comment on the doctor’s bizarre idioms. He had long ago realized to try to understand the doctor would be an illogical waste of time. 

“I am prepared to be released to my quarters.”

Dr. McCoy raised both eyebrows. “I don’t think so, Spock.”

Spock peered back at the instruments above his head. “My vital signs appear to be normal.”

“Normal?” McCoy scoffed.

“For a Vulcan, yes.”

“You just came out of one of your crazy Vulcan trances and you think just like that I’m going to release you for duty.”

“I did not say duty. I said to my quarters.”

“You’re getting as bad as Jim with the dislike of the medbay. I’m starting to take it personally.”

“Your illogical histrionics notwithstanding, will you release me?”

“Can you even walk?”

“I presume there is nothing wrong with my legs.” Spock sat up, dangling his legs off the biobed. “They appear to be fully functional.”

“You’re a pain in my ass, Spock.” McCoy shook his head. “Fine. But no duty for forty-eight hours.”

“That is excessive.”

“Tough shit. Take it or leave it. It’s my final offer.”

“Very well.”

”If you feel even one symptom out of the ordinary you’re coming back here.”

Spock almost pointed out that he would not likely tell the doctor about any symptoms should he experience any, but he decided that would not be wise.

“Before you go, I want to talk to you about Jim,” McCoy said.

He tried not to stiffen. He had an idea of what McCoy had to say and it was most unwelcome. He waited.

“Listen,” McCoy continued. “Your ex sort of implied to Jim that you have feelings for him and—”

“It is a private matter not open for medical analysis, Doctor.”

“I’m not coming at this as a doctor. I’m coming at this as Jim’s friend. Pretty much the only family he has. That care about him anyway. I just want to tell you that a lot of that swagger and bravado people see in Jim is a way of hiding his true self. I don’t know if what Uhura told Jim is true, but I think maybe he believes it is. He’s used to everyone giving up on him and for the first time, maybe in ever, I think he’s optimistic. And I guess…if you’re going to crush him, I want to know about it.”

_I’ll kill you if you hurt him, I’ll kill you if you hurt him. He’s been through so much. Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him._

Spock stared at McCoy for a long time, absorbing his thoughts. Getting hit with the desperate need to keep Jim safe, too. Jim was all McCoy had. The doctor was getting more and more anxious too. Finally Spock relented. “I am not going to crush him, Leonard.”

Dr. McCoy nodded, looked away. Which sort of surprised Spock. But then, McCoy was a most peculiar Human.

****

Meditation helped Spock to once more raise his shields to block out the thoughts and emotions of the crew of the Enterprise. Though it had been difficult to put the barrier between himself and Jim once more, Spock would not take advantage of that which Jim was not yet aware.  But the loss of that warm, brilliant affection was hard to process.

Spock made himself tea then and composed a quick note to his father advising of his injury and subsequent recovery. He considered what he would say to Jim when he saw him again. Illogically playing scenario after scenario in his mind.

Each one was unsatisfactory. He just needed to see Jim.

But then as he sat at his terminal, Spock began to have doubts. What if Jim shared Spock’s regard but he did not want to have a relationship? Spock had heard Jim declare rather loudly that he did not do relationships. He’d even once heard Jim say monogamy was for suckers. Spock required monogamy.

Perhaps Jim had only declared his feelings to convince Spock to fight for his life. Perhaps they had not been sincere. After all when given a choice to spend time with either Spock or Dr. McCoy, Jim always chose Dr. McCoy.

Did Jim want to be with the doctor instead of him?  What if Jim could not handle a bond with him?

His door chimed and Spock snapped the stylus he had been holding in two.

“Come.” He recognized his tone was far from welcoming.

The door slid open and the very object of his obsession, his desire, his…everything…stood just inside the door of his quarters. He wore only his uniform pants and the black undershirt.

Spock gripped the edge of his desk.

Jim took a step forward. “Spock?”

“Captain.”

Out darted the tongue. “Bones said he released you and I…” Jim stopped, frowned. “Are you okay?”

Spock had stood and come around his desk. Now as he gazed down at Jim, looked into the bluest of eyes, Spock knew he had his answer. All doubts fled.

With his hand shaking, he grasped Jim’s jaw. Jim’s eyes widened.

“Then…it’s true?”

“What is true?”

“You do want me?”


	5. One Fine Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One fine day, you'll look at me  
> And you will know our love was meant to be

“Do I want you?” Spock asked. “Do I want you?”

Jim stared at him, eyes wide, begging.

Spock hooked his arms under Jim’s ass and lifted him off the floor. In just a few seconds he had Jim against the bulkhead, trapped there, legs dangling off the floor, body pressed by Spock’s. “What do you think…James?”

“Spock.”

“And you? Do you want me?”

“More than I want to take my next breath.” Jim scrambled for a moment for purchase, unused to Spock’s strength perhaps. His fingers tangled in Spock’s hair. “Your injures?”

“Are not significant.”

“That’s not true.”

Spock tilted his head so that he could kiss Jim without bumping noses. “I am well enough to handle you.”

Jim laughed at that, and that sent a spike of delight through Spock. Though it was completely illogical, Spock found pleasure in that laugh, and the smile too. A happy Jim was a pleasurable thing.

Warm, chapped lips were on his before he could catch his breath. And it was as though he’d waited his entire life for Jim, for that kiss. Spock was fairly certain he had.

“Those men,” Jim whispered, then kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth.

Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “They were supposed to make me forget you.”

“And did they?”

“Never. I could not. You are…so precious.”

Jim visibly swallowed. “Please say this isn’t a dream. And if it is, don’t let me wake up.”

Spock shook his head at this illogical Human. His Human. If he wanted. And Spock wanted.

“Jim, I want no misunderstandings between us. I require—”

“Monogamy.”

“Yes.”

“Commitment.”

“Yes.”

“Forever.”

Spock kissed him. “Yes.”

“And a…bond?”

“Well, actually—”

“Later.” Jim drew back enough to stare into Spock’s eyes. Jim’s eyes were dilated. “Right now I want you to fuck me.”

Spock was surprised by the growl that came from his own throat, low and primal. It was entirely illogical and shockingly possessive. But this was Jim. He could feel no other way.

And as he felt his own arousal in the rise of his penis, he could scent Jim’s. He was torn between having Jim here against the bulkhead or taking him for their first time in Spock’s own bed. Jim naked and writhing in Spock’s bed was an image he could not resist.

He lifted Jim up and away from the bulkhead and carried him easily to his bed.

“You like manhandling me, don’t you?” Jim asked.

“Yes,” Spock freely admitted.

Jim’s laugh flowed through Spock, exciting him, thrilling him. He fused his lips to Jim’s, drinking in, drowning in the finest mouth in the universe, surely.

Spock deposited Jim on his bed but only with himself still attached, still kissing. Jim’s arms were snaked around Spock’s neck, and he was making little moaning sounds that were driving Spock just a little crazy.

Clothes. They both wore far too many clothes. Why hadn’t he already gotten rid of them?

He tore his mouth from Jim’s, reluctantly. “Jim—”

“I know. Clothes. You get rid of yours, I’ll get rid of mine.” Jim was flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes saturated blue.

Spock parted from him, because there was no other choice, and quickly stripped out of his offending clothes. Jim was not quite done with his and he wanted to rip them from his mate, but he allowed Jim to finish on his own. As soon as Jim lay there naked and inviting, Spock pounced.

“Eager, huh?”

“You have no idea. That you are in my bed, illogically it should not matter, and yet it does. That I claim you here first…yes, I am eager.”

Jim raised his eyebrows, but he was smiling. “Claim me? Sounds kind of animalistic.”

“Perhaps,” Spock allowed. “You will think so when I scent you also.”

Jim’s eyes widened and he licked his lips. “Sc-scent me?”

“Then all other Vulcans will know you are mine.”

“Yours.”

“Irrevocably.”

“Uh.”

Spock decided to kiss him to shut him up. For several minutes he didn’t even let Jim breath, just devoured, drank from those lips, that mouth, sucked on the tongue. Jim was whimpering and clutching at him.

“T’hy’la,” Spock murmured.

He flipped Jim over, his hands all over Jim’s bare back and down to his buttocks. Spock could not resist smacking both cheeks a couple of times.

“Oh. My. God.” Jim groaned, his ass rising and swaying as Spock’s hand landed the smacks.

“You are impossible,” Spock said with no little amusement. “Are you aware of Vulcan anatomy?”

“Copious amounts of lubricant coming off your cock? Yeah. I know. And besides. I can feel.”

Spock leaned down and bit the back of Jim’s neck. He lay down over Jim, rubbing everywhere, scenting his mate. Jim trembled beneath him.

“Spock, Spock,” Jim moaned, whimpered, keened. “Please. Please.”

“I like to hear you beg, ashayam,” Spock said into Jim’s ear. He was rewarded with a shiver. “Say you are mine.”

“Yours.”

“The entire words.”

“I am yours, Spock.”

“Yes. You. Are.”

Spock scooted down on the bed and parted Jim’s cheeks, his tongue thrusting between them into Jim’s hole.

“Ahh, fuck. Spock!”

He darted his tongue in over and over until Jim was a quivering mass, clutching helplessly at Spock’s sheets.

Then he rose above Jim, once more parting his legs, poising his penis at Jim’s entrance.

“Beg,” he ordered.

“Please, please, Spock, please. Make me yours.”

Spock thrust in. It was heaven, if he believed in such a mythical place. He pulled back, thrust in again, balls deep, imbedded fully at last within the man he would spend eternity with.

“Oh, geez,” Jim said hoarsely. “I just came all over your sheets.” He was bright red.

Spock was well pleased. His Jim could not hold back. And Spock would not either. He plunged in, over and over, taking Jim, having him, staking his claim, until he could no longer hold back his own cries, his own bliss, and he emptied inside of Jim. They were one.

“Spock?”

“Hmm.” He was still inside his t’hy’la, still lay upon him, unwilling or unable to move.

“What is t’hy’la?”

“I will explain later.”

“Okay.” Pause. “Spock?”

“Yes?”

“I think...I love you.”

“I think I love you too, James Tiberius Kirk."

 

Leonard entered his quarters and stopped short when he spotted a big red heart-shaped box in the middle of it. With a frown, he stepped over to his bed and picked it up.

Chocolates. Nuts and Chews.

“Bones,

Sorry this was late. But better than never huh?

You’re the best.

Love, the two idiots.”


End file.
